Being a first blog on here, let’s go into some deep realization to start off with. A testimony God has granted to me to share. All things are turned around for God’s good which was originally intended for evil (Romans 8:28).
I grew up in a single house hold with my dad. My mother passed when I was two from cancer. Even though I might not have had a biological mother with me my whole life, I’ve had awesome women to pour into me time after time. I was involved in church when my dad converted to Christianity when I was around age four and up. When I moved to Kingwood, TX at age 11, I strayed away from the Lord on and off through middle school. Then when high school hit, life hit.
I met a very special person dear to my heart which I spent all my growing up through high school with. Her mother pushed us to live right. She used to just praise God in the car to KSBJ and I would get so aggravated thinking ‘okaaay lets just listen to 104.1KRBE already!’ Also, things as she(my friend) was not allowed to see PG-13 movies when we were over 13 or sometimes she just could not go do things that I could. I use to get annoyed by that. But praise God, He has let the scales fall from my eyes and now I can see that that one mother kept me from so much that I could have fallen into.
I have dealt with depression, boys, insecurity, loneliness, confusion, etc. A few brief stories… I had boyfriends ALL the time! (Without any discernment or direction from Christ). Saying the “I love you” a week into the relationship then breaking up a month later. I have felt the pain of being cheated on numerous times by different guys and going back to the same thing with no changes.
Let’s hit these problems. I think back, “Why?” “Why did I put myself in that position over and over again for no reason?” Honestly, it’s because of my insecurities and false hope. Girls, STOP trying to find who you are through the opposite sex. Also, oh well they cheated on me so, “What’s wrong with me?” “Am I too fat?” etc. Thus, I have gone through lots of mental warfare, believing I was not good enough. I had problems with decisions in becoming anorexic or bulimic. I HAVE made myself throw up just so I can feel better about my body. NOT HEALTHY. Now I’ve never had a true problem but it was an on and off battle. It’s not worth it! The devil is a LIAR and it’s time to step up for these girls in this generation. Stop trying to be the image that the world expects, and become the image that CHRIST expects and wants you to be. Yes, you should be healthy and keep up with yourself. The man ordained for YOU, will love you and embrace you the way you are. If you do not think you’re beautiful, then you are basically slapping God in the face because we are created in HIS image. Haha-ouch. When I heard that one, it hurt.
I think back to my middle school years where boys didn’t matter yet and I just had fun hanging out with my best friends and enjoying who I was and what life had to offer. I didn’t come back to that place till college. Thus, wasting all my time in high school trying to figure out who true friends were, the right guy, and where I fit in. In high school I became somewhat conceited during my freshman year. Sophomore year I became more self-conscious. Junior year I became confident/insecure at the same time and started partying due to the influences around me. I didn’t act right with boys nor did I act right with partying. I drank a lot at get togethers and parties, never really had a “stopping point.” It’s only by the grace of God that I never got alcohol poisoning or pregnant. Luckily I had a good friend who watched over all my dumb descions and helped in any way possible.
Once the summer before senior year came, I stopped drinking and tried to come into the things of the Lord. I really started pursuing God and believed for “the one” to enter my life. I was prophesied that he’d come soon, etc. So the first guy I truly “talked” to after that became my fiancé during most my senior year. Little did I know, this was NOT the man God planned for me. We have to have true discenerment and follow the voice of the Lord… not what we think we want. We shouldn’t give up God’s will in our life for temporary feelings. Luckily God brings all darkness to light, “For nothing is secret that will not be revealed, nor anything hidden that will not be known and come to light” Luke 8:17. I was freed from that relationship and of course.. you guessed it… found a NEW one. That summer after graduating I got back into the partying scene. After ANOTHER failed dating experience in the summer, I found a steady nice relationship. Once again, failed. After that, I honestly couldn’t take anymore.
My brother (who helped lead me back to the Lord-the only reason I am where I am today)… spoke a WISE WISE word to me. He said… “Erica, why don’t you just stop dating anyone for a year and dedicate yourself to the Lord… even two years… just something.” DING DING DING. Thoughts, of, “Oh, I can’t do this… going to be too hard… etc.” came into my mind but I really did want it! I wanted to be free from being emotionally dependent on others. (You see, I’m very independent in my exterior but emotionally I’m very dependent.) I was raised starting in middle school to wake up on time, walk to school on time, pick out clothes, make my lunch, make sure my homework was complete, make sure I showered, etc. at a young age. Therefore that really shaped me into how I am today. Although I’ve always been very close to others. Any who, I found myself constantly at my brothers, hanging out with my niece Kayla and becoming more involved with church. As time passed, I grew. For this year I will say that I liked a few people in the beginning and at the end but promised I would have no emotional commitments/ attachments. I would recommend to any girl… try to avoid even talking to the opposite sex when pursuing a stronger walk. Distractions cause delay in maturity, growth, and purpose. After a year of figuring out who I am in Christ, what my morals are, what I want and how to get it… I met my husband. A year and a week after my commitment to the Lord, I had a young man come to my job to work for me. He was later switched over permanently to my program and I became his boss. Oh my goodness, during the year of commitment I use to always think, “Oh I wonder if that guy might be my future husband” or “wow I wonder if he’s a good Christian” would come into my mind. I had to constantly push those thoughts out of my mind so I could focus and know HE has a plan and I need to allow the man to pursue me in HIS timing. When I saw my husband (Dan) for the first time, all I thought was “wow a high schooler, I bet he parties.” (Ashamed for judging). Come to find out his parents were ministers; he was very innocent in his past compared to mine and pursuing football. WOO did that change. To make it short and simple, not everyone agreed with our deciosn to get married but we did because we knew it’s what we wanted and what GOD wanted. We’ve never taken any steps without consulting God in the matter. We had a beautiful wedding, a sweet honeymoon, and now living in Dallas, TX while attending Christ for the Nations institute pursuing a degree in Youth. PRAISE GOD!
Because I listened and was obedient to my Daddy God, I was blessed beyond my wildest imagination. And don’t get me wrong, I know at times you probably think “oh why can’t I know now God! Why can’t this, why can’t that?!” What I’ve come to find out is that God can only show us certain things at certain times. He gives us a certain amount of grace and faith for seasons that come and go. Thus, if God were to show us His amazing plans in a few years from now we might not be able to handle the thoughts because we do not have that grace on us right now for that season because it has not yet come. (Wisdom of Sarah Taylor-Mighty woman of God!!). So girls (and guys) keep on fighting, keep pursuing God and if you’re not, come to know the mighty Lord of Lords. He will fulfill your heart when you have a void. He will bring peace and restoration to your mind and heart. Sometimes He has to break us and set us apart so He can put us back together. He WILL provide. Don’t be impatient. He might not always be “early” but He’s always on time. Remember, there are different realms. He is not on OUR time.
“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” - Matthew 6:33
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